Iced Ogre
by Shrekaholic
Summary: On the way to a ski lodge, Shrek and Donkey get stuck in an abandoned cabin. Rated T for implied naughtiness.


**A/N: a friend and I wrote this one day on Skype. Please R&R!**

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Shrek sighed as Donkey galloped excitedly around him. "We're going skiing, we're going skiing!" He chanted, large lopsided teeth shining forth in a wide grin.

"DONKEY!" Shrek shrieked (it's funny because shriek is one letter off from Shrek), causing Donkey to skid to a halt and cower.

"Nobody said you could go!" Shrek was looking at his old pal with a grimace. His shreklets had told the donkey about his secret plans once more. Could an ogre ever get a break?

The look on Donkey's face made Shrek's heart sink. Curse his soft heart! "I'm sorry Donkey, but please, just because I won a trip to a resort on the Rockies, where they offer abundant terrain for every level of skier and have made their reputation on pure luxury, stunning slopeside condominiums and a wide range of rental properties, does not mean you're coming with me."

"But come on! Puh-lease!" Donkey was sure to drag out every letter of each word. He knew his way into Shrek's big heart, and he was sure that the ogre would let him tag along, despite his otherwise harsh words.

"I don't even think they make skis for donkeys. You wouldn't be able to get around anyway!" This was a lie; Shrek knew for a fact they made skis for donkeys- he spend most of last month watching a video on YouTube of a talented donkey skier named Don Quixote perform hilarious tricks and gags. He loved that donkey.

"Aw, come on! I saw you watching that Don donkey dude! We all know skis are for donkeys, too. That donkey rocked them skis." Donkey thought of Don Quixote's stunning acrobatics as he flew over the snow-covered drifts of the Rockies. There was nothing more Donkey wanted than to soar across the skies with such grace and elegance. Well, he did want some pancakes at the moment too, but those could wait.

Shrek moaned angrily. He was about to complain about Donkey's annoying spying habits when Donkey spoke up. "C'mon. I know you have two tickets and you and Fiona are fighting, so there's no way you're bringing her. Who else would come with you? Puss?! We all know he hasn't spoken to anyone since his boots were stolen." Donkey was the one who stole Puss's boots, as a prank, but once he saw how dejected Puss became once his boots were gone, Donkey kept them. He hated Puss.

"Ugh, fine then, but you get to be the pack mule. Have fun carrying everything!" Shrek waved his hands about in a dramatic motion and then pointed to the mountain of luggage that sat in the corner. "You have to earn your way."

Donkey sighed. "Fine." He struggled to balance all the luggage on his back. It stretched into the sky and sat on his back in a comical manner. "We could practically ski on this if we wanted to!" He puffed. Shrek was unamused, and with a crack of a whip, sent Donkey forward.

The trip to the Rockies was a long and grueling one. Not only did they have to make the journey on foot, they also had to do so in the dead of winter. Donkey's incessant need for karaoke was not helping the matter either.

You would think they would have at least sent us plane tickets," Donkey whined. He was sick of the luggage.

"Quiet." Shrek was sick of Donkey's voice after the fifth time he sang "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi. "We're almost there." That was another lie; they were a two days walk away. Shrek really needed to get his compulsive lying in check.

I'm tiiiiiired." Donkey imitated the way his donkey-dragon hybrid babies complained. Shrek had had enough. "I. HAVE. HAD. ENOUGH!" Shrek yelled, and a strange and ominous noise echoed throughout the snowy mountains they were traveling on (in case you're wondering why they didn't settle with skiing on those mountains, it's because they weren't THE ROCKIES, obviously).

(Those mountains didn't have the abundant terrain for every level of skier or the reputation of pure luxury, stunning slopeside condominiums and a wide range of rental properties)

"No need to get upset! Really, come on!

Another round of karaoke ought to cheer you up! Come on!

There ain't no mountain high enough

Ain't no valley low enough

Ain't no river wide enough

To keep me from getting to you"

Shrek grinded his teeth angrily. "DONKEY, I SWEAR-" and then a loud rumbling noise quieted him. The pair looked up, and high on the mountain, hurtling towards them, was a vicious avalanche. Shrek shrieked.

In an overtly cartoony fashion, the two began tearing down the slope. "Now here's some action! Finally!" Donkey was whooping and hollering as he raced ahead of Shrek, clearly having the time of his life.

Shrek, however, was terrified beyond belief. His life flashed before his eyes. He cried. Tears blurred his sight as he shredded down the mountain. "Donkey!" he shouted, trying to make sure he didn't lose his friend. "What?!" Donkey yelled in reply. "Honky?! I'll have you know my character is voiced by a black- I mean, African American man!"

"Quick! Is that a conveniently placed cabin I see?" Donkey pointed toward the direction of a small shack. Before Shrek could react, Donkey raced off in the direction of the cabin. Shrek had no choice but to follow, and the two were soon inside the run-down building.

Inside, the two leaned against the door trying to slow their racing heartbeats. "That was incredible," Donkey said in a breathy voice. "My life flashed before my eyes! Did you know I was on tour with Chaka Khan? I thought I only dreamed that happening!"

"What? Whe-Nevermind. There are more pressing matters. How are we supposed to get out of here? That avalanche is racing straight for this idiotic place!" said Shrek

They searched the cabin, which didn't take long since there was only one room and a bathroom. Shrek held out his hand. "I didn't find anything except these keys." Donkey smiled. "Keys?! I found a couple snowmobiles outside- I'd bet on the lives of my children, my wife, Puss and all the other people I hate that these are the keys to those snowmobiles." (If Donkey understood how betting worked, he would've bet on the lives of people he liked, because that would mean he was confident that those were the keys to the snowmobile, but that's ok, it's the thought that counts)

"Well, let's get going and see if those really are the keys!" Shrek walked over to the front door and grabbed a hold of the handle and started to turn it. He pushed on the door ever so slightly, but it wouldn't budge.

Again, he tried, but yielded the same results.

"What's wrong?! Don't be such a baby- push the door open!" Donkey yelled at Shrek like a drill sergeant. Shrek pushed and pushed, but the door wouldn't budge. He nearly began to cry again. Eventually he slumped down onto the floor. "It won't budge," he whimpered.

"PUT SOME BACK INTO IT, WOMAN"

"I CAN'T!" Shrek shrieked again. It was too much. He started to cry. Donkey immediately felt bad. 'I'm sorry, Shrek. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He began to cry as well. So there they were, an ogre and a donkey, sitting on the floor of an abandoned cabin, blubbering like babies.

They continued to cry long into the night. Too bad the cabin was fresh out of chocolates.

After they had cried their eyes out (this is a figure of speech; it means to cry uncontrollably) they layed side by side, snuggling. "Shrek?" Donkey looked to the face of his friend. "I'm bored. It's too cold to sleep. Let's see if there's any board games or something."

"Sorry!" (see this is a joke because sorry is a game). Donkey stared quizzically at Shrek. "It's a bored game."

(Get it bored game and board game ahahahah)

Donkey laughed heartily at Shrek's joke. "Alright, let's play." They set up the game. Shrek's had brushed lightly against Donkey's hoof as he put down one of the pieces. They blushed.

Donkey breaks out his iPod and plays "All Night Long" over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

On repeat.

Karaoke time.

Normally Shrek would be annoyed by this, but he decided to let go for the night. "Sorry!" he exclaimed as he sent one of Donkey's pieces back to home.

"No. No you're not." Donkey's was monotonous and serious. Shrek was afraid.

"Donkey, it's just a game." Shrek nervously rubbed his hands together. "Are you... alright?"

"No."

Donkey was not alright. He would never be alright as long as Shrek was with Fiona. He loved Shrek deeply, even though he bothered him all the time. He couldn't help it! Shrek was adorable!

"SHREK," Donkey called out. "DO YOU LOVE ME?"

Shrek shrieked for the fourth time that day (I'm actually not sure if this is right but I'm too lazy to go back and count). "WHAT? L-L-L-LOVE YOU?!" Shrek recoiled, sliding on his butt a few feet from Donkey. "Wh-why would you ask that?" Shrek didn't want to admit it, but he did love Donkey. He realized it when his life flashed before his eyes on the mountain. He had a pretty crappy life, but the memories of Donkey were the best.

"YES, YES I DO. I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK. FINALLY." Shrek was happy

They kissed passionately. One thing led to another, and eventually they were doing "more than kissing". The stuff mommies and daddies do when they love each other. In the morning, the snow had melted due to global warming. They exited the cabin and breathed in the fresh air. Things were the same, but they were also very different.

"Shrek," Donkey moved closer to his lover. Shrek rested his hand on Donkey's head. "You know, Donkey, it's weird. Things are the same but they're also very different. You know what I mean?"

Donkey leaned into Shrek's touch. "I think I do."

-FIN?-


End file.
